loving two

A poem was emailed to me for the first time about two years ago, and it touched me as a new mom. I've received it again a few times since then, and I got filled up each time.

And now, here I am, and the poem is exactly where I am at in my life, so now I'm really crying. I can't stop thinking about my first baby, who is such a Mommy's girl, and how everything is going to change for her in two short weeks.

Having sisters, I know that Brenna is about to get the greatest gift, but I want to shelter her from any pain, hurt or resentment she is going to feel in the next few months. I want her to always know that when she says, "Mommy, you cuddle me?" in her cute little voice, I will always have the time to say yes.

I treasure my relationship with Brenna, yet I don't doubt that I will love this baby as much. I know that I will. I am so excited to meet my second daughter, but I am scared about how the changes that are coming will affect my relationship with my first. This poem describes my feelings perfectly.

Loving Two

I walk along holding your 2-year-old hand, basking in the glow of our magical relationship. Suddenly I feel a kick from within, as if to remind me that our time alone is limited. And I wonder: how could I ever love another child as I love you?

Then she is born, and I watch you. I watch the pain you feel at having to share me as you’ve never shared me before. I hear you telling me in your own way, “Please love only me”.

And I hear myself telling you in mine, “I can’t”, knowing, in fact, that I never can again.

You cry. I cry with you. I almost see our new baby as an intruder on the precious relationship we once shared. A relationship we can never quite have again.

But then, barely noticing, I find myself attached to that new being, and feeling almost guilty. I’m afraid to let you see me enjoying her, as though I am betraying you.

But then I notice your resentment change, first to curiosity, then to protectiveness, finally to genuine affection.

More days pass, and we are settling into a new routine. The memory of days with just the two of us is fading fast.

But something else is replacing those wonderful times we shared, just we two. There are new times – only now, we are three. I watch the love between you grow, the way you look at each other, touch each other.

I watch how she adores you – as I have for so long. I see how excited you are by each of her new accomplishments. And I begin to realize that I haven’t taken something from you, I’ve given something to you.

I notice that I am no longer afraid to share my love openly with both of you. I find that my love for each of you is as different as you are, but equally strong.

And my question is finally answered, to my amazement. Yes, I can love another child as much as I love you – only differently.

And although I realize that you may have to share my time, I now know you’ll never share my love. There’s enough of that for both of you – you each have your own supply.

I love you – both. And I thank you both for blessing my life.

Author Unknown