emotional basket case

I will be 37 weeks pregnant tomorrow, and the baby is now full term! That means that if I was to have the baby anytime after midnight (a pretty good chance of that considering the baby is happily torturing me with her extreme movements, proving she doesn't want to leave anytime soon), she will no longer be considered premature, and her lungs should be fully developed to survive with no medical intervention. That is a huge relief, and I should be so happy we reached this "safe" milestone, right?

Well, I am, but I am also an emotional basket case. Seriously. Anyone who approaches me should be forewarned: back away slowly, or I will probably start sobbing and blow my nose all over you. I actually am sitting on my couch right now instead of work because I was fairly certain I was going to have a nervous breakdown there, so I left.

Okay, I really only left because I know my co-workers didn't want to hang out with me and my pink eye. I had to go into the office just to grab some things to work on at home, and I'm sure that the lady that sits next to me wiped the entire office down with Lysol when I left.

Of course, I'm not just working from my couch, I'm also watching Discovery Health and TLC. I cried when the baby was born on the show Birth Day. I sobbed during Deliver Me: Home Edition when the couple who lost two baby girls (20 minutes after they were born from a genetic disease) went to Ethiopia to adopt a baby girl. I just can't get it together.

Here are the things - in addition to the poem I posted last night - that made me cry in the past 24 hours:

1. I cried in the bathroom last night when Brenna touched the toilet seat (I'm a germophobe), and I almost lost it when giving her a bath, which I can hardly do anymore.
2. I cried when I was watching The Real Housewives of New York City Reunion, and I started choking on some stomach acid that came back up out of nowhere. I have had really bad heartburn throughout this pregnancy, but this particular time, it burned like hell.
3. I cried when Brenna would not allow us to put in her eyedrops this morning. She was sobbing and throwing her body around, and Jamie and I were frustrated, and we both yelled at her. We usually spend our mornings joking with her and talking about the exciting things she'll do that day, so I felt bad that we made her cry and started her day off negatively. And, yet, she still gave me a huge hug and smile and told me she loved me as she was leaving. She's so awesome, I could cry over that.
4. I cried when I could not find anything to wear to work. My belly must have dropped, and I have so few shirts that are long enough to cover it. When I went to get the one I wanted to wear, I found that Jamie had washed it last night, but it never made it to the dryer.
5. I cried on the way to work while I was talking to Jamie on the phone. My head was throbbing, and my eyes hurt. We were talking about a house that is for sale in the neighborhood next to us (Erin and Rob's neighborhood). This particular house is going to be an amazing deal for the potential buyers, and we want to live in that neighborhood someday. However, we probably won't be able to jump on the opportunity (even if we could afford the mortgage payments) due to our lack of down payment funds and the amount we could get for our house in this market.
6. I cried on the way home from work, talking to Jamie, telling him that I was leaving work.
7. I cried during the Johnson's No More Tears (ironic, huh?) commercial because they had all of these adorable babies getting their baths, and the voiceover said, "Enjoy every minute. It goes by so fast," because I know that it does!

I am a freaking mess. I am sitting here, 38 pounds heavier than I was last summer, wearing a too-short shirt and my 10-year-old glasses so I can see out of my bloodshot eyes. It's okay to feel bad for Jamie. You should.